did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
