I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
