Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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