shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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