ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
