some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
