I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
