I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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