Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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