Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
