i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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