I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
