:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
