Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
