I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
