I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
