P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
