I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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