i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
