i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sober January is a disaster.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
