Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize