oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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