Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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