How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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