Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
