I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize