the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
