I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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