I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
