Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
