Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
