Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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