First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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