Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
