Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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