Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
