I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
