My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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