This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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