I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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