i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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