He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I color on your dick again?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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