Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
