if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
