You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
