it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
