once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
