If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
