But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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