THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh god it's open bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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