first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
