When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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