He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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