my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
