grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
