i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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