Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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