You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
