i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
