you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
