Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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