There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
