if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
