You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
