I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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