Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
