Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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