my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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