Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
