afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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