I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have post one night stand depression
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
