My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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