i barfeds in our rink
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
