if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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