help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
