Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
