Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
