Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
