That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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