Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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