Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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