You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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