My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
