I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
